Your name is CTHULA UXELLO and frankly, you’re a BOMBASTIC BIGOT. You have a STRONG TENDENCY toward BIASED CAST-ISM, and your TEMPER TANTRUMS are FREQUENT and OUT OF CONTROL. Perhaps if you were not so preoccupied with LOVECRAFTIAN LORE and HISTORICAL ANALYSIS all the time, your MOIRAIL would not have BROKEN IT OFF WITH YOU. You can already FEEL THE TEARS COMING at the very INKLING of your HARSH BREAKUP. You may be AMONG Alternia’s MOST ASTUTE and POWERFUL, but you really just wish it was EASIER FOR YOU TO MAKE FRIENDS. You are a member of the IMPERIAL AMARANTHINE CASTE, and your LUSUS is OCTOMERE. Your trollhandle is astringentAmethyst. YOur quirk CONSISTS Of capitalizing ‘o’s and wOrds with eight letters.
This is actually well done for the most part! I don’t know much about her, but everything is currently in-line with canon. Good job! You still have a lot of fleshing out to do, btu this si a good jumping off point!
If you guys still have time and are running this, I would very much appreciate a review of my fantroll! Her bio is as follows:
Sure! Let’s see what we’ve got. That art is cute! I like the lusus. The color is a bit bright, so I’d consider taking the brightness down a few pegs.
Your name is FRILDI PSYCHE and you are quite the EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE. This may be due in part to your PSYCHIC ABILITY to alter the EMOTIONS and STATE OF MIND of OTHERS. Which would not be such a problem if using this ability wasn’t so EMOTIONALLY DRAINING to yourself. You are a proud member of the highly ranked AZURE BLOOD CASTE. Your lusus is BUTTERFLYMOM. Your many INTERESTS include COLLECTING OCCULT PECULIARITIES, weaving BUTT-UGLY BAROQUE TAPESTRIES to keep your respiration block WARM through TREACHEROUS WINTERS in your MOUNTAINOUS REGION, and going ABSOLUTELY BONKERS with your HIGH-POWERED FLAMETHROWER. It is also notable that you have BROKEN YOUR WRISTS several times attempting to JUMP OUT OF YOUR TREEHIVE. Your trolltag is impetuousOccultist. .your quirk consists of putting periods before your sentences and capitalizing the last letteR
Most of this is fine. I can’t elaborate too much because most of this is just a list of characteristics, but there are only a few problems that I can see. First of al, ceruleans don’t typically have powers—Vriska/Aranea/Mindfang was a special case. So, I’d get rid of that—which would fix another problem, since I’m not sure why beign able to influence others’ emotions doesn’t seem to be too traumatizing? Especially if it just makes her tired, or drained. Emotional baggage is kind of severe. I like the tapestry thing, and that she lives on a blustery mountain—how does that affect her lusus, who seems sort of delicate? Lastly, the quirk seem kind of lackluster, and it doesn’t really have anything to do with her. If i knew more about her I’d suggest something. As a starting off point, she’s a good start, as long as you fix some things.
i’ll submit a detailed explanation of this guy later but right now i just wanted to know if he looks too similar to gamzee at first glance?? i dont really think so but second opinions are always nice. UwU; he was originally made for a roleplay group where we did an AU of the canon universe, and i got the indigoblood, so i tried to stay within the theme but still make him different, and even now that the group is broken apart i changed a few things and just had to keep him. ;w;
This looks fine to me! You could get clownier and more overt with the paint, though!
Nice sprite, but where are her fins? With that color blood she should be a seadweller—are those ears you added the fins? There is some vague Feferi-ness about her nothing too bad.
Who might this happy young troll be?
===> Be the Tonedeaf Troll
Your name is RULARY PORPIE.
You are a SEA-DWELLER with luscious VIOLET blood of 6 SOLAR SWEEPS. You differ from most HIGH-BLOODS ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM seeing as how you are actually QUITE FRIENDLY. Too bad most of MANNERISMS seem to drive others away. You just always seem to SCREECH and get into a DEAFENING HIGH REGISTER. Because of this, you usually stay inside your JELLY-FISH HIVE tending to your HYPERACTIVE LUSUS. Holy mackeral can she be hyper! You don’t mind this of course, you are quite close with her. You enjoy playing with DOLPHMOM.
Okay so. She an be friendlier than most seadwellers, but along with the Fef-ness of the sprite I might try to make her a little nastier, even if it’s masked. I don’t understand the Jellyfish hive? does she live IN a jellyfish? Why? How?
Besides playing with your hyperactive lusus, you also enoy talking to your moirail, BEFLOR, who is the only one who seems to not mind your SPEECH PATTERN. Seeing as how he is LOW ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM it’s difficult to see him very often. In fact, you have only seem him TWICE since you have become his moirail. Not to mention when you did go, he just showed you his NUMEROUS AMOUNTS OF PLANTS. You also don’t mind this of course, you enjoy seeing his plant friends! Since you can’t see him very often, you spend most of your time on the COMPUTER TROLLING HIM and the only OTHER TROLLS who can withstand the screeching. Your trolliantag is hydratedSoprano and you “spEEEak wth an EEExitcEEEd scrEEEch! <ouo>”
When your HYPERACTIVE LUSUS doesn’t want to play, you like to relax and watch some of your favorite TROLL DISNEY MOVIES. You absoluetly ADORE all the Troll Disney movies, such as PUPA PAN, THE HIGH-BLOOD AND THE BEAST, 101 SPOTTED WOOF BEASTS, and other various titles. Although, you must say, your ULTIMATE FAVORITE has to be THE LITTLE SEA-DWELLER. You remember watching it with your LUSUS when you were just a LITTLE WRIGGLER. From watching this and the other Troll Disney movies, your LOVE OF SINGING developed. It’s too bad your SPEECH PATTERN prevents you from ACTUALLY BEING ANY GOOD. THE LITTLE SEA-DWELLER also triggered another HOBBY. You collect various TRASH and USELESS THINGS from the LAND-DWELLERS simply for the sake of being JUST LIKE THE LITTLE SEA-DWELLER, with the expection of having to give up YOUR GILLS AND VOICE TO BE WITH A LOW-BLOOD.
===> Wait, you collect trash?
Yes, although these things are most certainly not TRASH to you. You have many THINGAMABOBS. You’ve counted AT LEAST 20. You also happen to be ENCHANTED by your FOREIGN DISPLAY of plastic wrappings on your WALL. Even if some LAND-DWELLERS can be totally MESSY and RUDE by dropping their TRASH their WASTE there, you like to MAKE THE BEST OF THE SITUATION by CLEANING it up and getting more FOR YOUR COLLECTIONS.
I really like this, it’s different! What is a foreign display?
Besides ATTEMPTING TO SING and COLLECTING RANDOM CRAP, you like to WRITE LYRICS in your special LYRIC BOOK sometimes. It lets off STEAM and lets you BE CREATIVE.
What will you do?
- Name: Rulary Porpie ((Roo-Lar-EEE Por-PEEE))
- Blood Color: Violet
- Lusus: Dolphin
- Age: 6 Solar Sweeps
- Hive: Jelly-fish Hive; Each tentacle connects to another room. Her hive is general is somewhat lavish, simply because he wants to feel like a princess. Her collection room however, looks like an organized trash room.
So it’s a legit jellyfish? how does she not get stung?
- Red Rom: Her current moirail is Beflor, who is a brown blooded troll. Because she has a moirail low on the hemospectrum, Rancho (another sea-dweller who holds himself highly) looks down on her for a long time. Rancho eventually develops feelings for Beflor but doesn’t realize they’re red and mistakes it for black. Beflor has always sort of had black feelings for Rancho and finally decides to become his Kismesis. Rulary and Beflor through out that time become more fond of eachother and she has a flush crush on him at the same time Beflor is waxing scarlet for her.
This is kind of confusing? I don’t get how someone could mistake red feelings for black.
- Black Rom: Rulary has a slight temper sometimes so she might have quarreled with her friends a bit from time to time. The closest she has ever gotten to hating someone was Rancho, but even then it was platonic. Ru doesn’t necessarily believe she’s quite ready for Black Rom. She’s never really understood it. As far as Auspitice, she’s never had any desire of getting in between a Kismesitude.
- trolliantag: hydratedSoprano
- Quirk: triples all e’s which resembles dolphin noises, capitalizes for emphasis, using emoticons such as “<ouo>, <ono>, <o.o>” the “<>” representing her dolphin-like fins.
Oh, I see. I would replace them with regular seadweller fins though!
- Strife Specibus: harpoonkind
- Fetch Modus: The MUSINOTE MODUS; In order to captchalouge something you need to identify the musical note on the card, if you guess wrong, you can’t captchalouge it. Also, when you need to get something out of your Sylladex, you need to reach a certain note. Ru does this to practice her pitches. Unfortunately, she usually fails. Which causes her deck to constantly release items at random and become disorganized.
- Dreamself: Prospit
- Ancestor: Nemfetta Shipbane; Nemfetta would use her enchanting, beautiful singing voice to hypnotize sailors near her to eat them.
- Title: Witch of Heart; If I’m not mistaken I believe a Witch of Heart would be able to manipulate other people’s souls. She would be able to change the way somebody felt about something, maybe even who they are.
- Planet: Land of Bubbles and Melody; LOBAM
This is all pretty great!! I like her, she’s really quite interesting. With just a few tweaks, I think it’ll be perfect! Good job.
Review? Be honest.
Name: Metron Tocata
Note: Metron, the Greek root word for “measure” as in metronome, and Tocata is derived from “toccata”, a Italian word for a light and fast piece of music written for keyboard.
Age: 10 solar sweeps
Text Color: #00888a (Dark Cyan)
Blood Color: #00888a (Dark Cyan)
Title/Aspect: Thief of Time
Land: Land of Melody and Metronomes
Consorts: Dark Cyan Geckos
Kernalsprite: 1st prototype: lusus
2nd prototype: metronome
Strife Specibus: Pianokind
Note: Piano is wielded like a sword. Pressing the correct keys in the form of particular notes, chords, or melodies will result in the attack being imbued with an elemental force. For example, playing a C chord will result in an ice attack.
This is really interesting! I’m not sure how he wields a whole piano, or even a keyboard, as a sword though.
Fetch Modus: Piano Chord
Note: Items are split into three parts and each part is placed onto a different key of the piano. Play the correct chord and the item becomes available to use.
Lusus: Winged clawbeast
Note: Wings head and claws of an eagle, body of a lion, similar to a hippogriff, manticore, or another similarly blended creature.
Quadrants: Matespritship: n/a
Typing Quirk: typ3s !n all low3rcas3, r3plac3s th3 l3tt3r “e” w!th thr33 and r3plac3s th3 l3tt3r “i” w!th an 3xclamat!on po!nt. oft3n has m!sp3ll!ngs and rar3ly us3s prop3r punctuat!on
Note: The threes reference the usual number of notes in a chord, which also referenced in his chumhandle. The!s reference the fact that he is sometimes speaks to loudly and plays his music too loud as well.
I like it!
Your name is METRON TOCATA.
Your interests include MUSIC and…well that’s about it. You spend your time composing your own MUSIC, particually music within the TROLLSTEP genre. Which is similar to EARTH DUBSTEP but you have no idea what that even is.
You live underground with your WINGED CLAWBEAST lusus. You used to live in a COMMUNAL HIVE STEM with other trolls. However, your MUSIC was so loud that your fellow trolls threatened (and attempted) to murder you. So, in the interest of your wellbeing, you moved out of the city into a cave you could practice your MUSIC in peace.
However, living in you cave has not been all bad. All four of your quadrants remain woefully unfilled. As such, the imperial drones would cull you on the spot. If they could find you. So, it is quite advantageous to be living out here in the middle of nowhere. Not that you mind. You enjoy living by yourself. In fact this need to be alone is one of the main reasons why you don’t want any of your quadrants filled.
Your troll tag is trickstyTrichords and you t3nd to g3t a b!t shouty som3t!m3s.
It’s a little unreasonable that the drones can’t find him but I suppose it’s not impossible. Other than that, you’ve done a good job! Everything checks out and makes sense!
Just an average evil seadweller and her nasty midblood cronies.
I love the art!!!
Three 7-sweep-old auspistices with an eye on world domination. The landwellers abndonded their own hives nearly two sweeps ago to travel around the world on Civy’s boat hive, seeking artifacts and relics that will help them take over the universe, or which look interesting. Like evil Indiana Jones. They only care about the hemospectrum when it gets in their way
I am on board with this until ‘they only care about the hemospectrum when it gets in their way.’ First off I’m not sure what that means. Second, they should all care, even if they think of themselves as superior, with the seadweller lady as in ‘in charge’, or something.
Civy (Civani), female, violetblood, anglerfish lusus, fishhookkind
ambition: to take over the world before shes ten!
rather melodramatic: her catchphrase is “I will stab your eyes out!”
good inside, plans to be a benevolent dictator
That’s kind of interesting.
suprisinlgy optimistic, starts a new evil plan as soon as one fails
Evil how if shes really good? Evil as far as the condesce is concerned?
hobby: history and tracing bloodlines. She found the trios’s ansectors, who were killed leading a minor rebellion against the hemospecrtum
Tracing bloodlines is fine, but history is getting to be really common. Also that is interesting!
embarrassingly fangirly towards Condy but despises the meek princess (is it ok for her to have met fef in passing, since shes a seadweller?)
How is she fangirly towards the condesce when she wants to overthrow her rule? And ummmmm. I don’t know, I’m inclined to say no, it’s not. But if this is all we ever see or hear of Feferi then I suppose it’s not so bad.
:D i still like the art
Keiral, male, oliveblood, jackal lusus (left behind and lives with another oliveblood), fistkind
ambition: to help Civy and Trey and see what happens
center of the auspistism
So he’s auspisticizing for Civy and Trey?
relaxed, easily amused, and always calm, until he starts fighting. Then he gets the bloodlust…
Murder Mode=not good.
STRONG, not nearly like equius, but he could bench press a small car
Still a little close to Equius!
hobbies: making jewlrey and decorating things (takes off the jewlrey in public)
trey (treyan), male, tealblood, three-eyed crow lusus, flamethrowerkind
ambition: secretly, to rule the world through Civy
shy and intelligent, but definitely not a pacifist
hobbies: taking apart motors and solving puzzles, solves traps and puzzles guarding ancient artifacts
Civy o3< Keiral o3< Trey
Civy <> Keiral
I like the Tattoo.
Keiral <3 Trey, off and on
Keiral: Come on now, no fighting, you guys love each other.
Trey: We honestly don’t
Civy: I’m going to string you up by you own intestines and pour fire ants up your nose and then i will stab your eyes out.
Keiral: Now is not stabbing time, Civy. Now is hugging time.
Trey: I’m not participating in hugging time.
Hahaha! Okay I really liek them—there are just some inconsistencies going onto fix and I think you could really have somethign neat going on. You really have to nail down what, exactly, their plan is. Are they overthrowing Condi? Are they trying to help her? Or is it soethign else? Why haven’t they been caught or killed for rebelling? Answer all of that well, and I think this is a really cute idea. Also try and flesh them all out a tiny bit more—the rp bits really helped me see heir personalities, but try to show that in the bios.
i wanted someone to take a look at her and maybe if you like you can see it ^o^
Sure! Lets see what we have.
Heres the data for her :)
-Her name is: Livia (or Liviya if you want to have 6 letters) Turtur
-The names come from my favourite birds, the columbidae livia and columbidae turtur since shes associated with birds
-Her age is exactly 6 sweeps
-Her blood caste is lowblood (a little higher than Aradia just for comparison)
So a rustblood or an orangeblood? You should specify.
-Her lusus is called Moma Dove and is a big dove-like bird
-Her sign represents the wing of the bird and her horns are shaped like the beak of the bird
-Her special abilities are being able to communicate with birds (Lowblood -> psychich abilities)
-Shes a land dweller
-Her trollian handle is cyclonicPigeon
-Her typing style is: all lower case except for EMPHASIS!! uses no other punctuation than exclamation marks!! (except for grief…) uses normal grammar. duplicates the b. occasionately makes bird sounds or puns. if shes acting stern she talks really eloquently
This could use some spicing up, add some symbols or something!
-she just recently started playing
playing what, sgrub? Flarp?
-she hasnt reached god tier
-she dreams on derse
-her land is called the land of cubes and branches
-shes a hero of breathe but has no title/gt yet (association with birds -> flying, air)
-a little of programming but shes not really good at it
-watching shitty horror movies
-collecting stuffed animals and making them herself
-basically a nice and kind person
-gets grumpy easily and starts to pout
-usually using normal and nice language
-when triggered, uses a lot of (capitalized) swear words
-has a really good pokerface
-mentally stable on troll standarts, but not really emotionally stable even though shes capable of hiding it very well
-is very spontanious and uses a lot of puns to make her “friends” laugh
-wants everyone to be happy
this personality is full of overused tropes and very bland, cookie-cutter archetypes. right now there are probably thirty fantrolls and other OCs with the same exact personality! Try to be as specific and real as possible.
-her eye was hurt when she was 4 sweeps old so shes blind on it thats also why shes hiding it
Too much Vriska! Fantrolls really shouldn’t mimic canon troll injuries unless there’s a really fantastic reason behind it.
but that doesnt give her any special powers except for her other eye being a little better
-she wears black average clothes every second and red clothes every other day
Why red clothes sometimes?
-average troll clothes
no god tier since she hasnt reached it (yet ?)
she has a moirail, a matesprit and a kismesis but i havent designed them yet
-i think its a sure thing but since shes in another timeline she has never encountered the cannon characters
-shes living far off the cities
EXAMPLE FOR TYPING
CP: are you there!
CP: i heard you got a matesprit! thats awesome!! who is it!
CP: hey! are you there!! D:
CP: if youre still pouting bbecause i ate your pie then im sorry!
CP: bbut everybbirdy loves your pie its so dovelicious ?~
This isn’t so bad actually.
Im enclosing her sprite and some character art
I havent made a talking sprite yet
Nice art! You have the barest bones possible right now—add a ton of detail and really put thought into who she is as a person and you’ll be all set.
(Note: this is my first time submitting any of my characters for review. Also, the image base is not mine, though I did do the face, hair, clothing and details)
I can’t actually see the picture so I can’t comment!
Name: Shreza Variat (It doesn’t mean anything, I just like the sound and ‘feel’ of it)
Blood: Right between blue and purple, leaning on the purple side.
(hex code #110033)
Age: Six and a half sweeps
Eyelinerkind. You mean Riflekind. No. Will you just listen. Stahp. (Makeupkind, eyeliner/rifle)
Modus: Riddlekind. To access an item, the user must answer a simple riddle. Each item has one and only one riddle assigned to it. When overfilled, the object on the bottom card will gently fall down to the ground, or fly out of the sylladex at dangerous speed.
I like the idea of riddles, but the launching bi from the bottom card is basically John’s modus! So I’d go ahead and get rid of that part, and really refine the irritating qualities of the riddles. Maybe the riddles get mroe and more complex each time she takes an item out.
-Drawing/Painting: She can afford good materials and has way to much time on her hands.
-flarp: Shreza is a fan of all things relating to fiction, so this game is perfect to fulfill her need for a fantastical world. It is also to feed her lusus, who is growing quickly.
-History: To be completely honest, she is a history fanatic. Shreza knows all there is to know about Alternian history, and she reads history texts like anyone else would read a novel.
So these need to change. Drawing and painting trolls are overused, and FLARP is as well. It wasn’t a hugely common game, and the fact that she uses it to feed her lusus is legit identical to Vriska. In the case of the history thing, I’ve been seeing it over and over again lately—so I would scrap this section and start over. The key with fantrolls is uniqueness—you want them to really be their own person, apart from canon trolls and other fantrolls.
-To become an Admirassassin: The unholy mix between an assassin and a Fleet Admiral, these select few answer only to Her Imperious Condescention. Usually this rank is filled by Seadwellers, but anyone who’s blood is at least blue can acquire this position.
-To become like her Ancestor: Because what self-respecting highblood doesn’t?
I don’t really get the marriage between an admiral and assassin? Like how do you be stealthy when you have this big damn boat coming with you. Or a whole fleet of boats. And wouldn’t she be at a huge disadvantage as a non-seadweller? She could drown very easily. Mindfang and Vriska were really huge exceptions to the rule. And not all highboods would want to be like their ancestors—maybe her ancestor was disgraced, maybe she doesn’t even know who she is! Most trolls don’t know.
-Her own space: Shreza is very introspective and treasures her alone time.
-Group situations: Although this is contradictory, Shreza can turn on her ‘extroverted’ side whenever there is another troll around. She is very dominant by nature, and feeds off of the energy of a crowd under her command.
-Beasts: Especially ravens, but she likes all sorts of animals. She especially likes her cluckbeasts because of their group dynamic.
-Blue: It is her favorite color, besides bright red.
I think I would go without the color bit, it’s too much like Sollux. And you can be both extroverted and introverted, but that’s a little too powerfully extroverted. I’d balance it out way more.
-Annoying noises: Odd sounds bother her, the most detestable being chewing, muttering, tuneless humming, finger tapping, loud breathing, coughing, loud footsteps, and mediocre singing. Okay so that was actually a lot of things. But that’s just scratching the surface of all the noises she hates. Nothing sets her off on a rage faster than sound.
-Trolls who don’t listen to her.
How much blood matters: 45%. She has friends from almost every caste, but she will play the “I’m a highblood so listen to me” card.
Eh. She’s indigo, she should care a whole lot.
Your name is SHREZA VARIAT
You get pretty excited about LEARNING and STUFFING YOUR THINKPAN WITH KNOWLEDGE. You flit from one obsession to the next with PRODIGAL ABANDON, and tend to spend EXTRAVAGANT SUMS OF MONEY on the things that interest you. One of your most noteworthy talents is ART. All kinds of art, and not just the kind that you can draw. You treat most everything as an ART FORM, and you treat everything else as a GAME. Fortunately for on such as you, there is an actual GAME you can play to release this behavior, eloquently named FLARP.
See my above comments on her interests.
Those who know you think you are a bit scary, and you are what some would describe as a PART-TIME SOCIOPATH and a CONTROL FREAK. Along with that, you are ELUSIVE, INCONSIDERATE, and FORGETFUL. You care very little for the FEELINGS OF OTHERS. Why does anyone even talk to you? You guess you must be pretty CHARISMATIC, in a backwards, retarded way. That, or it’s your SARCASTIC MEAN STREAK that most take as SICK HUMOR. Speaking of that, you love telling CULLED WRIGGLER jokes that even the most violent of trolls find DELIGHTFULLY SICKENING.
Eeeeh, I don’t know about this. It’s a little too much exhibitionist-y. At this point im wondering where she on the hemocaste? the color you provided and the place you described would be indigo, edging into violet (seadweller) areas but I’ve not seen any mention of subjugglators, the mirthful messiahs, or anything. So I’m having some difficulty judging the appropriateness of her behavior.
Your blood is of the noblest hue that a BLUEBLOOD can possess. That, or it is the lowest variation of PURPLE. It is also an exceptionally dark color, and it can almost be mistaken for BLACK in some lighting. Technically, you would be a PURPLEBLOOD, but unlike all of those in that caste, you have no interest in CLOWNS OF A GRIM PERSUASION, or OBSCURE CULTS. You do, however, have a taste for THE WICKED ELIXIR, but you unfortunately CAN’T STAND THE CARBONATION in it.
Okay so she is Indigo. In that case she would not identify as either violet or blue—‘purpleblood’ is the same as violetblood, a seadweller. It’s been stated in canon that all indigos are down with the clown. How she practices, however, is up to her.
You suffer from horrifically violent DREAMS, and not even the most concentrated sopor can keep the visions at bay. You avoid sleeping as much as trollishly possible, but unfortunately, due to your SELF INDUCED INSOMNIA you are GOING A LITTLE CRAZY. Sometimes, when you are very, very angry, you locate the nearest TABLE and UPEND IT IN AN INAPPROPRIATELY VIOLENT MANNER. Flipping tables has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC, and has made the interior of your HIVE a HUGE MESS. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.
The insanity thing is another overused trope and i would get rid of it. Why does she have such bad nightmares? All troll shave nightmares but why are hers so different?
Your trolltag is atramentousVigilante and you speak in a way that is fair|y nor-m+a|, save for your tendency to overe|aborate on things, as we|| as your |ibera| use of vocabu|ary and co-m+p|icated sentence structure.
I get the l thing but the rest I don’t understand.
Dreams on: Derse
God Tier: Thief of Mind (Able to take others’ choices away from them, she can both read and control minds. She can steal things [i]with[/i] her mind by ‘influencing’ others to give her things. Shreza can also take away her adversaries’ intelligence to boost her own.)
That is WAY too much power and also way too straightforward. As the Thief of Light Vriska could only ‘steal’ luck to boost her own, and make sure the odds were always in her favor—but as her death showed, this wasn’t always foolproof. This is way too many powers.
Hive: Large, imposing, extravagant, and castle-like. Every table tat is not bolted down is flipped over. Situated in a round valley, several miles wide, filled with trees (as if it were the site of an enormous meteor landing long ago) and surrounded by mountains. The Eastern end opens up into the ocean, and the beach is a few hours of walking away. Several steep stony mounds dot the forest, rising above the trees, and Shreza’s hive is on top of one of those.
The castle and valley thing, along with how many other little tidbits of traits from other characters are in her, reminds me of Vriska. Try to be more original with the hive look.
Planet: Land of Shadow and Solitude. You have no idea how bad chat connection is on this rock. Just. No idea.
Consorts: The consorts of her land were absent at the beginning of her quest, and her mission was to bring them back and remove the barriers that kept her from communication properly with her coplayers. The consorts are electric blue salamanders that are rather stupid, but they are well meaning and know a lot about the lore of LOSAS as well as the game in general.
Ancestor: Known as The Vigilante to some and Addelige Voidgaze to others, the troll started her life loyal to the Empire, becoming a Gambligant and sailing Alternia’s ocean as a privateer admiral.
When she was about fifty sweeps old, the Signless’s movement became a major issue on Alternia, and naturally, the curious young troll learned as much as she could about this threat to the hemospectrum. Though she initially sided with the highbloods, the Addelige quickly drifted into neutral territory as she saw the faults of the colder castes. A short time after she realized this, powerful highbloods started to disappear.
Voidgaze stayed in the Imperial Navy, but the location of her flagship was questionable at times. She was the first ‘Admirassassin’, though to the extent of Her Imperious Condescension’s knowledge, she only assassinated lowbloods and troublesome nobles.
Sadly, her efforts to undermine the government were in vain, for even though her actions caused major problems for the highbloods, the revolution was crushed in the end. She was present at the execution of the Signless, and that was the first and last time she experienced the feeling of empathy.
I was going to keep the comments on this for the end but how is that the first and last time she felt empathy if she had drifted away from the highblood cause? The signless’ rebellion was full of empathy—it lived off of it. And the Condesce would never be so easily fooled. Also I still don’t understand how a fleet admiral is stealthy enough to be an assassin as well—they command a ton of ships you’re going to see that coming. She’d she be dead as soon as she started helping the lowbloods.
After the ending of the rebellion, Addelige Voidgaze left her post as an Admirassassin to become The Vigilante. Many of the major highblooed leaders we found with a bullet in their skull or a knife in their back, the only two she didn’t go for were the Grand Highblood and The Condesce (for obvious reasons).
I have no idea why this would be, for the grand highblood. If she’s that good that she’s picking off leaders, and somehow never getting caught, why wouldn’t she go for him.
She spread The Sufferer’s word, carving his sign on every available surface and writing of the crimes he committed, the peace he wanted.
This is the Disciple, basically. And if this was the case she would be easily traceable and she would be killed.
The nobility soon began to consider the infamous Addelige dead after her disappearance, because The Vigilante was killing the most prominent highbloods. A splatter of unmistakably dark blood was found in her respiteblock as well, further strengthening the assumption.
This doesn’t really make sense—it seems like a huge stretch to have them just assume she was dead.
She continued to gain fame and hatred as The Vigilante up until the Summoner’s rebellion. What he stood for, she disagreed with; he wanted to [i]reverse[/i] the hemospectrum, not equalize it.
I’m not sure this is accurate. And anyway she would be VERY old by this time.
Addelige Voidgaze came out of hiding, tapering off the assassinations and dressing a dead blueblood in her Vigilante cloak, returning gloriously with ‘The Vigilante’ as a prize. She claimed that she had been stalking the assassin all along, and that she barely escaped with her life when the rogue first attacked her.
This is barely possible. And it doesn’t really make sense.
She reclaimed her title of Admirassassin (now an official rank) and fought against the Summoner, claiming many key victories for the side she previously had fought against. When all adults we banished to space, she was given her own fleet, and the only officer above her was The Condesce.
Why. Why would she throw away sweeps and sweeps of work and effort and belief that fast. And havign the only person above her be the condesce is just wrong—a seadweller would get that, like dualscar.
~~~(^this is as far as Shreza knows)~~
Innumerable sweeps later, as the Vast Glub started killing trolls by the millions, she took advantage of the chaos and donned her cloak (forgotten about by the general population by then) and entered the Grand Highblood’s chambers, shooting him (but sustaining a near-fatal wound in the process) as the Glub started to kill off the jadebloods. By the time the Glub had reached the Blues, she had signed on to a videoconference with Her Imperious Condescention. She then confessed that she was The Vigilante, and that she had finally killed the Grand Highblood. Her last moments were allegedly spent laughing as she bled out.
Wait—she would not be alive for the Vast Glub, she’d be dead. Highbloods have long lifespans but not THAT long. You’re into the canon timeline now, and that’s just not possible. The only one to live that long was the condesce. And even if she had lived that long, she’d be ancient and the then-Grand highblood would dmassacre her. And I thought she switched sides, why would she do this?? It just doesn’t make sense.
Your fantroll needs work, but her ancestor needs the most work. How would Shreza even know all of that? And why would she emulate it? Keep revising and feel free to ask questions.
Nice sprite! But why yellow shoes? That seems a little out of place. I’m a little iffy on the horns though, I’m trying to figure out how bulbs like that would grow naturally. Not the biggest deal ever, tho.
==> Review the troll
You cannot review the troll if you cannot be the troll. Ha!
==> Be the troll
You are RADALI ALFEUS and you are the QUICKEST SHOOTER TO HAVE EVER PUPATED. You can FIRE OFF A SHOT IN LESS THAN A MILLISECOND and you leave all the spectators STUNNED. And you mean that quite LITERALLY.
You can CREATE and FIRE OFF SONIC SOUND WAVES WITH A FLICK OF YOUR FINGER. You fire it off so flipping fast that the PRESSURE from the SONIC BOOM can DAMAGE, STUN, OR KILL depending on the size and hardiness of your opponent. You are not kidding when you say you are the QUICKEST SHOOTER AROUND. You are the quickest and you INTEND TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.
Holy damn she’s deadly. Depending on how you work this, you are in danger of making her kind of overpowered? It’s not terrible right now, but if she starts beating everyone at everything because she’s THE BEST you’ve gone into the danger zone.
So you commonly PRACTICE SHOOTING WITH TARGETS. You MISS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT because you also happen to be HILARIOUSLY NEARSIGHTED. You can’t wear glasses because none of them FIT YOUR TINY FACE. But you have TENACITY and you just WON’T GIVE UP. So you will spend HOURS shooting at targets and MISSING because you can’t see them. Your MOIRAIL has come home to see you LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING. You two quickly hit the FEELINGS JAM PILE when that happens.
This helps a lot! it’s also kinda funny xD Why is she on the floor crying, because she always misses? I’d try rewording that just for clarity’s sake.
==> Review background notes on the troll
I don’t have a trolltag or typing quirk for her yet, but I’m working on it! Suggestions would be wonderful and very appreciated though.
Anyways, she’s pretty much based off of pistol shrimps so hence her asymmetrical horns and symbol. Pistol shrimps have one larger claw so she has one larger horn. They create shock waves through collapsing bubbles (cavitation) so I tried to draw a collapsing bubble with a shock wave coming from it. Her symbol sucks, ha ha. I’ll probably change it later on.
The yellow on her shoes is because she wears the color of her moirail, a mustard blood.
Thanks for reviewing! ( u w u )
I had just figured you were using some perspective with her horns! I didn’t really realize you had meant to make them uneven. I would try revamping the horns a little. There are a lot of things you can do with claw-shapes and such, and it’ll be more obvious about the unevenness. As far as her sign goes, it’s not that bad! If you can connect the two parts it might be better. Quirks and trolltags can be tough, but I would try to work in some kind of shrimp thing, or shooting thing. Working off of those would be a good idea. Good job with her, all you need are minor tweaks!